The Art of Not Giving A Shit

     I'm writing this piece in complete contrast to my original thoughts as i've come to new learning's and revelations this year. I've always been a more balanced individual, always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, feeling bad for my actions and reactions. This year has been one of the biggest eye openers as the reality is...As close to balance as one may be you just can't please everyone. 

     No matter what you do at some point in your life you will have to choose and pick a side. People may not like  you especially when you stand up for yourself. Trying to please everyone is impossible and being the middle ground can lead to extreme burnout.  Most  'people pleasers' always spend too much time worrying about what others feel, how to rectify poor situations, or almost always compromise their happiness just to appease others, so much that they forget their own happiness. That is when burnout and self fatigue comes in. That's when you have to protect your soul and say 'I just don't give a shit'. I'm not implying that one should lash out in rebellious ways and go nuts on everyone, but stand up for yourself. If others are angry at your decision just ask yourself:

Would it matter in the long run if this person didn't like me even though I attempted to do whats right or tried to be fair? (if not stand by your decision, if so what are other alternatives to your decision)

So long as you made a decision the best way you know how that is what matters. Stand by good values, ethics, and principles. Being wrong will become a learning process, and making firm decision  develops internal strength. As we all know picking a side and making a decision is not always easy but it is necessary.

cheers

The truth about marriage

     The advice you get from ''happily' married couples is candy coated, along the lines of 'you feel more bonding' and 'i married my best friend', and that everything appears blissful. How I initially envisioned marriage before I got married, boy was I in for a big surprise. Based on my own experience I'm going to share a bit of truth and realism to my marriage life.

As a couple we would talk about future children, our dreams, goals and aspirations and where we saw ourselves in 5 years time. Ideally, everyone wishes to be that picture perfect couple in the wedding studio pictures; realistically it's hard work.  Nobody ever tells you that though because couples don't openly share their bad moments for fear of judgement.

Although I do feel more bonding with my husband and there are plenty of good moments there comes a price. The price of obligation to family and in laws (in my world anyways), being selfless and all 'in' for the team (in some ways), and putting down your pride to make the relationship work. 

Marriage requires dedication and hard work. 

Its so much more easier to throw the silent treatment after an argument and think "he/she should know what they did wrong so I'll stay mad until they apologize". Pride has to be let down to diffuse the situation. (something that is difficult for the both of us to do since we're both so stubborn). However, marriage will provide opportunity for communication. 

We've heard time and time again that communication is the key to a successful relationship, and the usual advice you get from friends is "you should talk about it with him/her". Yea right, not that easy. Do people ever tell you how awkward it is, how difficult it is, how stubborn their loved ones are and whether the husband/wife are more talkers or listeners. It is best to 'talk' when the timing is right.

My husband is a listener and refuses to talk giving me one word answers. However, Through the years I've learned his style of communication, I've learned to open up the lines of the communication with him once things are calm (usually within the following 2 days). It's difficult to immediately approach the situation and 'talk about it' when things are tense and extremely awkward. Furthermore, talk with pride out of the way. 

Pride being out of the way is necessary since nobody wants to lose a fight, everyone wants to be right. However, how your significant other understands you is greater than you proving you are right.  

My Husband and I: Photographer Ted Kim @ The Moustudio.com

Secondly, marriage means you have to selfless and 'all in for the team'..yes to an extent. It's great you can give your best to your lover but damn straight you would expect the same in return. Don't feel bad in doing so because THAT is what a marriage is. You can give your all, you take one for the team, yet at the same time don't feel bad about expecting something from your husband/wife. That is the joy of it, that they to are willing without hesitation to do a favor. (Favors and goals within reason and are realistic). You can't keep depositing without gaining any savings, you will be one burnt out lover. 

Lastly, people say "marriage completes me", "we've become one". Aww Hell to the No. You're your own person with your own identity. You share values, common goals, you've become united as husband/wife, but never should you lose your identity. It's great to spend time with your significant other but it's not necessary 24/7. It's important to realize a life outside of your marriage, it grounds you and provides balance in a relationship. Whether you can incorporate family time with things you love or find time to do them separately even for an hour a day I highly recommend it. 

Although I'm 'irked' by many of my husband's behavior and want to give him a good deck in the face at times, I feel blessed. He is wonderful in many ways,  but the truth is are we the 'happily ever after couple?' no..but we are happy in more ways than one. When you marry you marry for their positive and negative traits. Some they can leave at the door to marriage and some are traits embedded since childhood. I mean don't get me wrong there are those that probably have the most wonderful fairy tale marriages. With each and every negative thing I've experienced in my marriage I've gained a positive outcome but that goes without saying: Marriage is hard work and you have to keep dedicated as it can be ugly or it can be molded to how you want it to be. How do you want your marriage to be?

Here's wishing you all a workable and loving relationship filled with happiness and harmony

One Love

Quick To Judge

     Although we always learn to "never judge a book by it's cover" every person has preconceptions based on experiences with various people in our lives such as colleagues, family members, or friends. You may have negative emotions relating to these relationships and begin to develop a 'defense' mechanism on how to react and when to react to individuals you categorize to be within that realm of 'negative emotions'. Although it becomes almost automatic, judging others will cause even more damage to the internal soul leading to more resentment and unnecessary stress in our lives. 

I made the mistake one day by listening to a colleague talk about another person (we'll call her Brenda for the sake of simplicity).  My colleague stated that Brenda was lazy, controlling and likes to boss others around. I immediately became defensive as I refuse to let myself be subject to that behavior. It was like listening to a review on a movie that I have never watched, telling others I wouldn't watch a movie because it had poor reviews. Upon meeting Brenda and based on what I already know about her I reacted before she could get 2 words in. My assumptions and my tone altered how she responded and to say the least it created a disagreement between the two of us. 

Brenda has been with us for awhile now and has gotten along well with many colleagues. She is neither of the many things this one colleague had stated about her. Being too quick to judge and too defensive caused unnecessary stress at work on my part, furthermore I felt poorly about my behavior. 

     Stop your subconscious from preconceived notions about others, think before you talk, and listen to what others have to say. Doing so can help ease stress in every day life by developing a good work relationship with colleagues and possibly even make friends along the way. I'm not promoting that it is a must you become friends with everyone that you encounter but in all honesty it does ease stress levels by getting along with others. Simply by prohibiting judgement from encounters at the grocery stores to work and home life will make your days go smoother and stress free. Who wouldn't want that? So before you refuse to watch a movie based on a review you might want to check it out because who knows it might end up being a favorite that you will enjoy for a long time. 

One Love

Feeling the Goodness

          This post was inspired by overhearing a group of women discussing about other women's dress attire during exercise and how the yoga pants are 'too spandex'ie'. Furthermore, they were belittling these women for wearing make up during exercise. It doesn't make sense I mean why would you want to wear make up during a sweat session? But you know what...maybe it makes them feel good?

     For some odd reason there is this taboo that going 'au naturel' and dressing your worst for a workout makes one appear better than the rest. If you're one to think this you might want to reconsider an attitude adjustment because most likely it's making you the ugly one. There are numerous reasons why people wear what they wear, and most likely it is because it makes them feel good.

     I for one had terrible skin all my life and have rarely gone without the bare minimum of make up, I love make up how it looks and makes me feel. Mind you I would love to go natural if I had the skin for it but I don't. Many people probably feel the same and whether you are a man or a woman and you feel the need to wear make up than 'work it like you should!

That is what make up is for: to add color, beauty, and to hide imperfections. There are ways to achieve that natural look. Sounds Ironic but like I said it's all about YOU and what makes YOU feel good. 

    Secondly, if a woman wants to wear tight lulu lemon pants during a work out I think it's great. If she looks good she feels good and vice versa. Head shaking and gossiping will do nothing for you gossipers.  Instead of focusing all that energy on other people's ass'ets you should be focusing on toning yours so that you TOO can look good in a pair of tight spandex.

So What do you do daily to make yourself feel good?

Product Review: I just want to share some things that I've used to achieve a flawless skin look even if you have acne prone skin, acne scarring, and or hyperpigmentation. This is great for everyday wear and does not require hours to apply. I've tried dozens of makeup lines and with my skin type trust me this works well.

MAKEUP FOREVER HD PRIMER
 - If you have dry skin it is important you moisturize and apply sunscreen prior to applying primer. This primer will allow for a light smooth application of your foundation without having that 'cake' look especially after a long day. I have used this primer for more than half a day and it works just wonders with my foundation. Primer is necessary to achieve a smooth longer lasting look (moisturizing lotion is not a primer) as lotions will allow for a smooth application of foundation it will not last long and possibly smudge off. 

MAKEUP FOREVER MAT VELVET MATTIFYING FOUNDATION
- This foundation is absolutely amazing if you have very sensitive acne prone/oily skin. It is a liquid foundation that allows for a gorgeous matted look that allows your skin to look smooth without that greasy shine. It is oil free and WILL not cause break outs. It has medium to fuller coverage to hide any imperfections to achieve that flawless look. You won't need much, I used to layer on two layers of foundation liquid but it was not necessary since I have started using this foundation. (if you have pitting acne scars 2 layers will help). If you have dry skin just apply a good moisturizer and than apply. Make up forever is a great makeup line that has been used by celebrities in studio and etc. You can't go wrong with a affordable high quality make up line. 

**I highly recommend this product. From L'Oreal, Maybelline, Lancome, Shu Uemura, and MAC. Nothing is as balanced in affordability and quality as Make Up Forever's foundation line**

MAC MINERALIZE BLUSH 
- this is my favorite all time step in applying make up...the blush. No it is not a bronzer or finishing powder but it sure appears as one. I don't apply heavy foundation for this reason since the application of blush does it all. It is the finishing that creates that smooth flawless skin and adds to mild coverage of any pigmentation on top of the foundation. I have tanned/mild orange/yellow tinged Asian skin tone. The color 'dainty' or 'warm soul' from this blush line is great for everyday wear. This blush has lasted more than half a day without wearing out, even after a workout session.

The links i have provided you guys are cheaper in price than in retailers so check it out. 

HAPPY FEEL GOOD EVERYONE! CHEERS!

The Traveling Bee

     The late bloomer: soul searching in my early twenties, schooling in my mid twenties, and currently now a career oriented individual working to pay off whatever life throws at me. As a result, I never had the opportunity to travel until these past couple years whether I had the money or not (well..within reason). I may not have been as crazy in my travels as I would have liked but I truly recommend those of you who are so caught up in life's ordeals to begin traveling and if possible before having children.

Traveling is like a breath of fresh air, a relief from all that surrounds you in your current state. Take for example: like watching the bachelor. Cast members are limited to their environment and surrounded by 'picked' men and women. Once they return to reality everything changes and the person they "so called" fell in love with within one months time become flawed. Outside of the film industry they see different people and different things they want, as it is the same with traveling. Traveling opens your realm of possibilities and opens your eyes to learning different languages, culture, and how others survive. Whether your travels are short or long both are beneficial to the human soul.

Furthermore, it is highly recommended for those of you to travel  without children if possible. Take the time to go on a honeymoon, unfortunately the reality is that traveling with children is not the same. All your trips will be family and children oriented at least until the children are older. Especially if you are one that enjoys adventure and long hikes. Not to say that it is impossible or less enjoyable with children but it is different.Traveling without children just makes things more simple. 

Post return from your travels with also feel good. You will feel refreshed and ready to begin life like turning a new leaf. Making the most of life is important and traveling is one of them, who knows you will find talent and possibly begin a new journey in life.

Here are some of my travel pictures to the Dominican which I absolutely LOVE.

My husband had bought some sweets from Costco and handed it out to some of the children in the villages.

We had the opportunity to eat original home made meals, and delicious Dominican coffee.Learning about culture and relaxing on beaches is my new found hobby.

If you're traveling to the beach I highly suggest bringing a water resistant camera. Although high end SLR cameras take great quality pictures, salt water can be severely damaging to the camera. Secondly you'll be standing there attempting to take quality pictures instead of 'actually' enjoying the beach. 

The camera I've used to take pictures is the Panasonic Lumix DMC T5SD. 16 megapixels which produces high end quality pictures, water resistant up to approximately 43 ft, and shockproof up to 6.6 ft. It has a GPS in which  you can locate the pictures and it has the ability to wi fi share with your mobile phone. 

**EXTREMELY durable, I brought it with me para sailing, parachuting, and rappelling, and spelunking. I got the camera completely covered in mud. Washed it off with non salted water, allowing it to dry and it works just fine.

Excellent camera among all water resistant cameras. I was able to capture moments that others were not able to since they had to leave behind their cameras during excursions. So, if you plan to travel on the beach or do some adventures this camera will do the job. Take a look on the products I've used on the left. The site will give you good prices compared to what you will find in stores. Comes in the blue or orange. Check it out.

Panasonic Lumix DMC-TS5D 16.1 MP Tough Digital Camera with 9.3x Intelligent Zoom (Orange)

Pushing Through

This is probably the one most single phrase that seems so easy yet so difficult to do. Life throws so many obstacles in our way that the climb to the top appears endless. Whether it be work, home dilemmas, or life in general. Everyone has varying degrees of challenges but I guess Nike had the right idea when they said “just do it”. This absolutely stands for everything. The only time that is safe to be at a temporary standstill is when you need a break or when things get overwhelming, but nonetheless self awareness is crucial. Realizing that the experience is a phase and once you’ve given yourself time.. It’s time to ‘push through’. Easier said than done right? Don’t get me wrong, the length of time it takes to heal, to realize, and to accept is different for everyone. However, once you’ve reached self awareness you might be ready, but you might feel uncertain..That’s where you have to give yourself that extra ‘push’ through. Like child stuck half way on water slide: with a little assistance you’ll soar past difficult times.

Being stuck in a phase well over a long period of time may cause one to internalize these emotions and channel them into negative ones. Finding reason and motivation helps the process with more ease. Let’s use a simple example of exercise. Almost 90-95% of people make new years resolutions to workout, get fit, and lose weight. Almost half never follow through as we hear the usual ‘I’m too busy’, ‘I have to work’, and ‘I’m too tired’. There are indefinitely individuals at the gym that would rather be spending their time doing other things but they love the aftermath of rushing happy endorphins post workout. These are their reasons and their motivations for exercise. Some individuals have goals to exercise contemplate on going to the gym but substitute eating during that hour that could be spent on being active, hence channeling the energy into something else. 

One personal example for me would be times when I just don’t want to go to work. It’s undeniable that almost everyone on this planet feels this way at one point in their lives. If you do feel this way it is important to distinguish whether these feelings stem from laziness or complete fatigue. The balance between having a rest is necessary. However, laziness is unacceptable and that is where your mantra should come into play: ‘I need to push through this and get it done’. Think about your goals, think about what and whom you’re doing the deed for and before you realize the day is done. 

This is an extremely powerful word which helps accomplish what is sought to be done. The end result is self independence and feeling proud. Obstacles and phases in life are inevitable but developing self understanding, self awareness and finding motivation will aid with the ‘pushing through’ process.  I highly recommend everyone to silently chant these words in your mind in hopes that it will ease your journey, push you through lazy times, and overcome difficult mounds. Cheers!

Written By: Julie Quan. Copyright © 2013 · All Rights Reserved

Article also published on bubblews.com by alexandrumah

I’m Like this Because of You!

So many characteristics in this world: strong forward individuals, upfront, uptight, anxious, kind, positive, and the list goes on.  One will never really know another person’s experiences and what they’ve been through to shape their being, unless you will have ‘walked in their shoes’ (so people say). This is impossible as everyone’s experiences are different regardless of how similar they may be.

            One of the biggest life’s lessons I’ve learned is that outcomes can turn to many different paths in your life based on personal reaction. How you react to a situation impacts the outcome on all scales of life. Take for example working in a medical industry. I have been working in the medical field for about 10 years and along the way I have met numerous amounts of people, patients, families, residents, nurses, and so on. There are so many different individuals and characteristics sometimes one is bound to have difficulty getting along with at least one person you’ve met. I had a colleague once responded by eye rolling and slamming her papers after I had politely asked for help with a patient. Although my mind was going insane feeling like I wanted to wrestle her WWF, I decided to confront her in a calm manner and professionally talk about the situation. She then replied apologetically and admitted that she had not realized her actions. I currently still work with this individual and the situation never occurred again. (not with me to say the least). 

 Just talking professionally may not work for everyone, some may become confrontational and so on, but the importance lies on how to pick and choose your battles and how to react better to a situation no matter how angry and frustrated you are.

Personal experiences, how we are taught and what we choose to internalize throughout the years mould humans. What you feel and what you know is completely subjective. What you deem as friendly may not be the same for another. Ill feelings towards another because of what they say or do may cause a chain reaction from the way you react.

 The individual may have developed certain behaviors based on experiences they’ve had over the years, maybe they are defensive or have trust issues for a reason. Regardless, being friends with someone may not be necessary but finding balance and being cordial is possible. Thus, re-evaluate a situation, think things through, and then react. This will make for a more peaceful process in life with work, marriage, family, and friendships. Good Luck!

Written by: Julie Quan. Copyright © 2013 · All Rights Reserved

Copyright © 2009 · All Rights Reserved

Copyright © 2009 · All Rights Reserved

Copyright © 2009 · All Rights Reserved

Work also published on bubblews.com by alexandrumah

the bitch

Okay, so I work in a profession with a plethora of strong personalities. Despite what I thought I knew about people, I'm continuously learning everyday in how to socialize with these people (because I have to) and how to conform in certain situations. I'm generally an optimistic person but I am human nonetheless. Now i know many of you can relate when it comes to that 'specific' individual who for some reason has this "I am the best and bow down to me" complex. If you don't know one, then you might be one. In my reasoning I'd like to categorize them partially as bullies. This complex is a 'front' to hide poor self confidence and feelings of inferiority. Oh these poor fragile individuals.

     Let's face it, trying to be civil absolutely sucks when attempting to reason with 'complex' type people. Trying to be 'professional' about things, when in reality you just want to knock their teeth out. Reasoning or confronting is useless because it's probably a long developed trait that is not easily altered. People don't change, you change. The last thing is to be angry and end a conversation or situation poorly because ultimately you'll either end up feeling foolish or more frustrated. Just move on people, be angry, dislike them, but move on. It's so cliche but its not worth the effort, time, brain space, or energy to focus on ridiculous people. If confrontation is what makes you feel better then go for it! to each their own. Anyway this is my daily rant....I hate stupid stuck up people.